oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
