You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
