well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
