Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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