Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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