It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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