And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
