I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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