she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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