oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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