physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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