just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
too bad you live with your parents still
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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