i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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