wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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