I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
