Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
