my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
