she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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