Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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