The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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