I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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