I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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