i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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