I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
