I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
