Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
