Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
