he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
