I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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