I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He better not be in your backpack
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
