Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You smell like stripper and shame
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
