I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
