Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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