Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
