I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
