I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
