did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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