so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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