sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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