I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We got so high we made milksteak
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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