i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
