I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
