U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
