So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
