If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
