did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
