apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
