i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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