dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
