I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
