you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
