You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
