I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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