I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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