naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
