My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
