I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
