Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
