My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
