I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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