I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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