He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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