I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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