she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
