i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
honey bunches of taint.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
