the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
