With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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