I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
