got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
