Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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