I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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