i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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