Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
