i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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